extra! extra!
this weekend i will be reuniting with all my old housemates from my senior year of college. we are calling it the elliott house reunion. because that's what we called our house that we lived in on elliott street. creative geniuses. i wanted to reflect on some old memories from our time at elliott. and i thought i would do so in a bit of a different format. a newsletter. here are some headlines you might have seen had you been friends with us between the summers of 2000 and 2001.
read all about it.
ROOMMATE'S CAR STOLEN
Early Monday morning, roommate Stephanie Vizdos's navy blue and rust Oldsmobile Cutlass was reported missing from in front of her two-story home. Despite filling out a detailed police report, the victim had little hope that the vehicle would be retrieved. With much delight, Stephanie received word the following evening that her car had been discovered discarded a few blocks down the street. The ignition had been tampered with forcing Stephanie to hotwire her own car for the remainder of the school year; however, thankfully, the 8-ball shaped "pimp knob" on the steering wheel survived the ordeal unscathed.
SURPRISE PARTY SUCCESS
Following another Calvin College Men's Varsity Basketball victory on Friday evening, spectators flocked to 822 Elliott street for what some are calling "the party of the century." Birthday celebrations for Sarah Koeze have been known to attract a substantial number of revelers in the past, but never before has there been such a diverse crowd gathered to celebrate the origin of one humble individual. Said one party-goer, "Hey man, all they had to say was one word and I was there: Koez."
FOUL ODOR FORCES ROOMMATES TO CONSIDER EVICTION
A roommate who wishes to remain anonymous for her own safety regrettably cooked fish last night on her George Foreman gill, leaving behind a stench so putrid it defies even the wildest imagination. Remaining roommates, having arrived home to the rancid smell permeating every crevice of their home, were forced to sit for hours with the windows open in the dead of a Michigan winter. After it became clear that no amount of fresh air was going to de-pongify their residence, two roommates reportedly ventured to their local Meijer shopping center to purchase Febreeze, air fresheners, and a brownie mix. Recounted one roommate, "We even bought a pack of cigarettes to smoke inside the house because we thought the smell of a rotting ashtray would have been an improvement."
SEWAGE OVERFLOWS IN BASEMENT. SAYS ONE ROOMMATE, "GROSS."
Upon venturing with her laundry basket down into the underbelly of the elliott house one morning, one roommate discovered raw sewage, including human waste, covering the concrete floor. A plumber was called in immediately to clean up the problem. Roommates have declined further comment, citing the ordeal as "...too horrifying for words to describe. There was poop in our basement. I just can't... Leave me alone, please."
read all about it.
ROOMMATE'S CAR STOLEN
Early Monday morning, roommate Stephanie Vizdos's navy blue and rust Oldsmobile Cutlass was reported missing from in front of her two-story home. Despite filling out a detailed police report, the victim had little hope that the vehicle would be retrieved. With much delight, Stephanie received word the following evening that her car had been discovered discarded a few blocks down the street. The ignition had been tampered with forcing Stephanie to hotwire her own car for the remainder of the school year; however, thankfully, the 8-ball shaped "pimp knob" on the steering wheel survived the ordeal unscathed.
SURPRISE PARTY SUCCESS
Following another Calvin College Men's Varsity Basketball victory on Friday evening, spectators flocked to 822 Elliott street for what some are calling "the party of the century." Birthday celebrations for Sarah Koeze have been known to attract a substantial number of revelers in the past, but never before has there been such a diverse crowd gathered to celebrate the origin of one humble individual. Said one party-goer, "Hey man, all they had to say was one word and I was there: Koez."
FOUL ODOR FORCES ROOMMATES TO CONSIDER EVICTION
A roommate who wishes to remain anonymous for her own safety regrettably cooked fish last night on her George Foreman gill, leaving behind a stench so putrid it defies even the wildest imagination. Remaining roommates, having arrived home to the rancid smell permeating every crevice of their home, were forced to sit for hours with the windows open in the dead of a Michigan winter. After it became clear that no amount of fresh air was going to de-pongify their residence, two roommates reportedly ventured to their local Meijer shopping center to purchase Febreeze, air fresheners, and a brownie mix. Recounted one roommate, "We even bought a pack of cigarettes to smoke inside the house because we thought the smell of a rotting ashtray would have been an improvement."
SEWAGE OVERFLOWS IN BASEMENT. SAYS ONE ROOMMATE, "GROSS."
Upon venturing with her laundry basket down into the underbelly of the elliott house one morning, one roommate discovered raw sewage, including human waste, covering the concrete floor. A plumber was called in immediately to clean up the problem. Roommates have declined further comment, citing the ordeal as "...too horrifying for words to describe. There was poop in our basement. I just can't... Leave me alone, please."
posted by sara at 2:19 PM
2 Comments:
perhaps you forgot clean-out-your-closet day. or the fact that we were finally able to purchase and enjoy cable our last year of college. and sitting like grandpa and grandma on the couch. "i don't know what you guys are talking about. my grandparents don't sit like that." the list is endless. and i hope to dip into that bottomless pit this weekend.
-the roommate that lives far, far away
good ones. i also lamented not being able to include the creepy schwan's truck stalker. but i couldn't think of a good headline. :)
can't wait to see you!
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