sharp things elevate my blood pressure

so, i watch the food network a lot. like, an insane amount. like, wednesday every show from michael chiarello to rachael ray was a repeat and i was seriously disappointed. "[pouting at the tv screen] aw man i've seen this one, too! this is the one where giada pours the pasta water all over her leafy green salad! gross!"

here's the thing, though. i don't cook. up until last night, i didn't even have salt or pepper in my kitchen. it's not that i don't want to cook. or that i don't think i could actually be decent at it or anything. it's just that being a dutch calvinist in west michigan means you have to be married in order to stock a kitchen with all the necessary supplies. i mean, my highest purchasing priority as a single college-graduate was certainly not a kitchenaid mixer. many times my roommates and i thought about throwing ourselves a big housewarming party and simply putting on the invitation "sara and sarah are registered at target and bed bath & beyond. thanks." seriously, un-married people need knives too.

which brings me to the real reason i started this post. i hate knives. i hate pretty much anything with a blade, actually. and don't even get me started on circular power saws. nope. my heart beats faster just thinking about them. [shivers] tell you what, rachael ray makes me nervous every. single. time. she picks up that ginormous knife of hers and starts chopping celery like a crazy person while telling some story about when she was a fountain girl at her local hojo. "[screams at tv set] look at what you're chopping rachael!! for the love!"

the first kitchen supply i'm going to register for when the time comes: 3 different sized food processors, baby. i'll leave the knife chopping to the professionals.